same song second verse

little bit louder,
little bit worse...

excisional biopsy went well last week, got the results we expected, really... Classic Hodgkin's, specifically Nodular sclerosis classical Hodgkin's lymphoma, and my oncologist calls it 'non bulky' which as far as I can tell means 'not huge'

worse was the trip to the fertility specialist, he's a reproductive endocrinologist, and a good one apparently, I wish people would say "oh, he's a hack, you should go see someone else" but no, they just keep saying "oh... he's good"

sigh... at this moment, it looks like we have no options before treatment starts. He said we couldn't bank eggs, first they don't freeze eggs there yet, and second the cysts on my left ovary were freaking huge and we can't wait to take care of that first... so I don't know what's going to happen. He did take blood for tests and I got a call yesterday saying that it came back negative for ovarian cancer, which I wasn't really worried about since I'd seen the PET scan (god that was an experience, not because of the scan, or even the orange flavored barium... urgh... but because my right arm went numb and screaming in pain at the same time while I was all wrapped up in the CT and had to hold still for 35 minutes) and that my ovarian function was fine, so they work, but I can't use the eggs?

damnit... but maybe since they work fine now, they seemed to be afraid that they didnt' work, maybe that means a better chance that function will come back after treatment. I just don't know, he's supposed to call my oncologist and talk with her so maybe I'll find out something more soon.

I like my oncologist, she spent a lot of time talking to us the other day, and took time to explain everything and showed us the PET scans, which were actually pretty interesting. She seems very encouraging and positive about my prognosis, right now we are looking at 4-6 months of chemo alone, she doesn't want to use radiation unless we absolutely have to. I think I'm going to opt for the implanted port, I've come to dread the IV more than the procedures themselves, it's one more procedure but I think it would be worth the trade off.

Next week I have to go for a heart and lung test to make sure there's no problem before we start and give a baseline, and then I have to have a bone marrow biopsy, that's what I'm really not looking forward to... they keep saying it's not as bad as it sounds, but I'm not so sure. argh.

So, I'm getting ready to lose my hair on my poor lumpy head and starting to try and wrap my head and heart around the idea that I may never have my own baby... something I want so very badly...

one thing at a time... take it one thing at a time, now if it would only come one thing at a time :P